The clock is ticking and summer is peeking around the corner. It is time to get outside, to get moving, and to turn around your health. For a strong, healthy body to complement your new suit, where to do you turn for advice? If you consult a fitness and health professional, you might be missing out on the real weight loss gems. Turn to the internet, your friends, and the infomercial for the worst fitness advice for summer.
Fitness Advice Fails for Summer
- Buy a machine on late night TV
If you are up watching late night infomercials, you are probably not sleeping. Right? What better way to solve your insomnia than to work out, and of course you need a nifty new machine that just happens to be on sale with flexible payment options and a free gift! Score. Join the millions of consumers just like yourself who have spent nearly $14 billion per year on infomercial miracles.
- Work out in the morning for better results
If you want to burn the most calories, make sure you rise early and hit the gym before the sun comes up. The solar and lunar balance will zap your metabolism and help you burn more calories as soon as you get out of bed. Not to mention the muscle gods will clear the streets and shine a light on the golden machine that gives everyone mythical results.
- Don’t eat before your workout
But before you leave, make sure there is nothing in your stomach. When you wake up, you get a fresh start, why waste it on a protein-filled breakfast that will pack on the pounds and rob you of your calorie allowance for the day? Who needs all the energy a healthy breakfast or snack can provide anyway to tackle your workout?
- Drink apple cider vinegar to burn more calories
Wait, your friend just posted a fasting tea on your Facebook page. You might want to check that out before you leave. You know, just so you can make sure you are truly kick-starting your metabolism.
Yes, there it is. Apple cider cures everything. All you have to do is drink it to lose weight, lower your blood sugar, boost your immune system, and of course, carry out the cholesterol in your body. I hope it packs a bag.
- Do as much cardio as possible
When you get to the gym, cardio, cardio, cardio. That is the most important thing you need to lose weight. The trainer recommends strength training, resistance training, and cardio, but you don’t have time for that. Your friend has better advice about your weight loss goals. It worked for them, right? Or at least they say it will eventually; however, she just has to wait out the injury from the last cardio mega session.
- Avoid water because it makes you bloated
Whew. You thought it was extra pounds you were packing. Fortunately, it is just water bloating. Water has managed to seep into your muscles, your “problem areas” and… you know, wherever water goes when you are trying to stay hydrated. You might feel a little dizzy and parched, and your muscles will cringe in pain during and after your workout, but that’s okay. At least you aren’t bloated.
- No pain, no gain
Pain is the key to a successful workout. That is what the movies tell you, your little league coach preached when you were a kid, and of course last time you pushed yourself so hard you nearly passed out and were sore for days. Pain is just your muscles making you work harder for a better body.
- Cut out your carbs and fruits
Carbs make sugar, fruit is sugar, sugar is bad, so you must cut it all out. Your body uses the carbs for energy, but then there is that lingering concern that they are making you fat, bloated, and sluggish. Lean proteins, that is what you need to live off of – Eggs, lunch meat, non-fat cheese, misery, boredom.
- Have more sex
You don’t need an excuse to have more sex, but it doesn’t hurt to have sex in your fitness arsenal. Let’s see, you need to have sex for at least 30 minutes to burn between 85 and 100 calories. So, figuring that the average sex session lasts about 6 minutes, you only need to have sex 5 times per day to burn off half your bagel.
- Celebrity fitness plans are the best
Makes sense right? Just look at them. Your favorite celebrities can eat burgers, drink wine, party at events, eat cake without feeling guilty, and of course, have babies and pull off a 2-piece in two weeks. They have the cures for cellulite, muffin tops, arm flab, and confidence—and an editor, and a photographer, and a chef, and paycheck that rewards them for looking great.
- Avoid free weights
You have considered consulting a personal trainer to build muscle, but then you hear that it will bulk you up too much. All you want to do is lose weight, and trainer might force you to lift bigger to build better.
- Wrap it up
At the end of the day, if nothing else works, wrap it up with special herbs blends on a magical body wrap to shed inches. You can detox, melt away cellulite, avoid the gym – and dehydrate yourself, and fork over your cash to help the companies pay for false advertising claims.
You won’t find miracle weight-loss solutions. You need a plan, and it’s easier than a fad. Eat healthy, stay active, and be happy. Take care of yourself for maximum results. If you want to learn more about the benefits of a fitness plan, contact a personal trainer for solid advice, not bogus sales pitches. Bring your friends, too. It sounds like they need a crash course in health and fitness as well.
What is your favorite piece of terrible fitness advice?